he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
