he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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