he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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