As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
