i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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