Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
