There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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