she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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