i just sent this text using only my big toe
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
