Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
