How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
