how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
