so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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