lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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