i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
