god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
