yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
