I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
