if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
