Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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