How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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