He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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