How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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