You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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