I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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