I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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