I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
