My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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