So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
