SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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