I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
