she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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