I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Its about making memories worth repressing
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
A bitchslap is in order.
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