Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
