Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
