I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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