Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
