so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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