he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
