I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
