white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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