It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
