Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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