this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just had sex on a roof
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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