I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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