Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
