I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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