i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
