I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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