Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
