I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Found your dick twin last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
