then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
