We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
