In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
