I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
