He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You did what with his pubic hair?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
