Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize