You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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