i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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