i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There's always time for handjobs
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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