If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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