my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
