it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
