thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize