I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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