ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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