I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize