You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
