A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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