Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
