he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just pee around me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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