He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
