Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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