He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
