No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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