Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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