Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
