three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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