How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
