did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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