btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
