Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
