yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
