Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
