i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
