enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize