is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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