She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
