Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
