oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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