Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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