youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Another day, another engagement, another cat
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
