call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize