Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
