weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
