i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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