I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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