he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
