I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize