I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
