I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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